The Last Four Years

Four years down and I understand now that marriage takes a lot of work. That it's no joke. It's not supposed to be always easy. It's not always perfect, not always happy, not always good.

But I know now, too, that it's also about sticking around, forgiving, understanding, loving and supporting one another in spite of.

It has been a roller coaster ride, but I know in my heart there's no other person I'd share this ride with but you, no matter how crazy, no matter how winding, no matter how dizzying, no matter how terrifying.

I will always be the girl who will hug you when you're tired, who will hold hands with you wherever, who will send you silly messages at random hours of the day, who will kiss you and sniff you (shower or no shower), who will poke fun at you when you're getting too serious.

I will always be your friend, your partner, your shoulder to cry on, your biggest cheerleader. I will always love you, that's what I'm here for.

Happy anniversary, my love.


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Happy Birthday!

This year I will work hard to be more inspired and less terrified. I will cry less and laugh more. I will find my passion. I will keep in mind that the possibilities are endless. I will not take myself too seriously and will allow myself to lose it from time to time.

I will stop thinking and just do. I will learn new things and try to be amazing at them.

I will spread kindness, and I will be the person who cares the most.

I will be the person with the bigger heart.

I will keep fighting until I win, will give more than I can get, and will go all out with love and life.

Happy birthday to me! Thank you, everyone, for all your birthday greetings!

Much love,

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For you

Everyday for the past few weeks I wake up with a heavy heart.

Crying helps, for a while at least. I know I'm not the only one hurting here, so there's no need for you to see just how much I am.

I need to be the stronger one for the both of us, otherwise both of us will sink, and then there's no saving anyone.

It breaks my heart that you are this way now, and I know that if you can just undo it, you would have a long time ago already.

I know you don't want to be this way. I know it hurts you to hurt me. And knowing that provides some sense of peace and solace for me.

I will be here for you to take care of you, to stand by you and to love you.

We will take it one day at a time.

I pray for strength everyday. I pray for you everyday. I pray that you will come back to me sooner than later.

Everyday I'm missing you.
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2013 Yearender

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? I learned how to use the oven. LOL.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more? No.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! My sister gave birth to Paulina! 

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank you, Lord.

5. What countries did you visit? This year it was only the Philippines and Malaysia. 

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
- More money saved up for the rainy days.
- Our dream house.
- A published novel.
- A culinary degree or certificate.
- Maybe, a baby.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? My sister gave birth to my niece on 9 November, I celebrated my 34th birthday in Legoland Malaysia last January, work pass got renewed in October, hubby's vacation in the US last November. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? This year is quite a disappointment for me as I feel the year just flew by without me doing anything remotely exciting. I think this year has mostly been about work, work and work. But I'm extremely proud to say that I have read over 60 books this year and have tried cooking more and more dishes. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
- My marriage.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Fortunately, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- My oven and my blender.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- My best friends from home. My parents.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- Sadly, my husband's.

14. Where did most of your money go?
- Bills, shopping, food, miscellaneous stuff for the house.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My sister's new baby!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Clarity by Zedd, Treasure by Bruno Mars, Brave by Sara Bareilles

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Sadly, I'm sadder. 

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish my husband and I talked more and didn't take each other for granted.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? I wish I'd been less moody and bitchy. 

20. How did you spend Christmas? Day before Christmas I was at work until 5:30pm, then had to rush back home to cook pasta and prepare the turkey, honey glazed ham and pork spare ribs. We had Ely, Rosas, Mark and Gabby over for Christmas dinner. We exchanged gifts and ate cake and drank wine.

Christmas Day I went to church in the morning to pray for a lot of people in my life and thank God for all the blessings we were given the past year. Hubby and I watched a movie (The Desolation of Smaug) and had dinner of our favorite xiao long bao at our favorite Chinese restaurant. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2013? No.

23. How many one-night stands? None of that, too.

24. What were your favorite TV programs? Scandal, The Big Bang Theory, The Following, Witches of East End, The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Suits, Grey's Anatomy, American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, Homeland

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Oddly, yes.

26. What was/were the best book(s) you read? There are just too many this year, but my new favorite authors are Jojo Moyes, Gillian Flynn and Rainbow Rowell. 

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Bird and The Bee, Emeli Sande

28. What did you want and got? More kitchen gadgets, a nice new watch.

29. What was/were your favorite film/s of this year? Despicable Me 2, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Gravity, World War Z, Don Jon

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Spent the day with family at Legoland Malaysia and had a quiet dinner at home, with matching birthday cake.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More appreciation and more open communication.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Feminine and comfy.

33. What/who kept you sane? My best friends and my parents.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Anderson Cooper.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? PDAF scam, typhoon Yolanda.

36. Who did you miss? I miss my husband and the way we were.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Best new old friend I met from high school, Lie :)

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013? Being quiet and understanding just doesn't cut it. Learn how to have a fight.

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She's finally here!

After waiting for tense hours, my adorable niece is finally here!

Thank you, dear God, for keeping our two girls safe.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms, Paulina Karin! I swear my heart was so full of love and my eyes so full of tears when I saw your very first photos.

Your Tita is so in love with you already.

Little Ina working it while proud daddy
and beaming grandma look on in awe. 

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